Wednesday, January 4, 2012

JOKES WITH STEPHEN HAWKING - PREPOSITIONS

Monday, January 2, 2012

THE RISE OF NARCOTECTURE

What is it? What is -- Narcotecture? Narcotecture is a term used to describe the gaudy mansions, homes and burial shrines -- yes, burial shrines, built by powerful drug lords in both South America and Afghanistan using illicit drug funds.

Drug cartels have never been more powerful than they are now. Neither can it be said have they been more dangerous. When President Nixon created the DEA and with it, the "war on drugs," they effectively shut down the distribution channels in Columbia. This didn't stop production, however. They still produce copious amounts of cocaine, but they leave the distribution part to the violent cartels in Mexico. Now, Mexico is essentially a "narco state" and the blood runs red in the streets at a swiftly moving northern current into the United States.

It's a shame that all of the money and influence these cartels garner does little more than build these Narco palaces, but it can't be understated how much gruesome, barbaric violence used to instill fear in their people make dissenting voices impossible.

If you disagree with them, they won't just kill you. No, killing's too good for you. No, the cartels will now behead you, dismember you and if you're lucky, they will shove your body into an oil drum along with some acid and make "soup" out of your body. Then they will place the drum in the middle of the Tijuana streets for the rest of the town to see.

Clearly, having mountains of cash doesn't mean you have mountains of taste, but there is something incredibly compelling about these monstrosities. They are shoddily built, with expensive marble and tile, but meanwhile schools and infrastructure continue to sink into the dark abyss.

Then there's the aforementioned burial shrines. Creepy is an understatement.

Just understand, even cartel burial shrines can be desecrated. The following is a local shrine festooned with the body parts of Zeta hitmen. Narcotecture. Now, you know.

MILLION DOLLAR BILL, Y'ALL!

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A North Carolina man -- also my personal hero -- used a phony million dollar bill to pay for items he wanted at Walmart. Insisting the bill was genuine, 53 year old Michael Fuller tried to purchase a vacuum, a microwave oven and several other items amounting to $476.00. He was subsequently arrested and charged for the crime.

THIS DAY IN IRONICLASTIC HISTORY: JAN 2

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On January 2nd, 1990 Alan Hale Jr., a.k.a. The Skipper, died after a battle with thyroid cancer. Despite a long and varied career, Hale is known mostly for his portrayal of Jonas Grumby -- or -- the Skipper -- in the tv show Gilligan's Island.

Hey little buddy! You holdin?

He would be forever typecast after the show, as would every other member of the Gilligan's Island cast -- giving a new meaning to the word "castaway." Years after the show has ended, none of them would truly get off the island.

I'm a goddamn serious actor, dammit!

The late seventies brought three post-series tv movies about the castaways. In 1978 there was Rescue from Gilligan's Island. In 1979, there was The Castaways on Gilligan's Island and in 1981, the final and deepest cut, The Harlem Globetrotters on Gilligan's Island. To say it was awful, is a compliment. The Globetrotters actually kill a shark by throwing basketballs at it. The professor in his infinite wisdom decides to build a team of robots to play basketball against the Globetrotters, but fails, of course, in finding a way to harness his serious brain power to find a way off the island. Oy.

The subsequent animated series -- there was more than one of them -- helped to hide the shame these actors probably felt, especially since the show was created in a time before residuals and royalties.

In the later years, Alan Hale, Jr. was particularly successful pimping out his former identity as the Skipper.

In fact, he owned a restaurant called "The Lobster Barrel," that operated during the 70's and 80's on Hollywood's "restaurant row." He was known to greet customers in his signature skipper's hat and sign autographs and take pictures with customers.

In the 80's Hale has a cameo in the Michael Keaton film Johnny Dangerously. He played an Irish police chief. It was a nice cameo and gave us a small sense of what he probably could've done if he wasn't spending all his time choking his little buddy on an island secretly located in Burbank.