Wednesday, November 30, 2011


Today, I have made a small list of things that need to go.  They've outstayed their welcome.  You don't have to go home, but you can't stay here.

I'm a meme.
1. FLO the Progressive Lady.  It's time.  You've made us all laugh, but now you just piss us off.  From that annoying hairdo to the ten pounds of makeup you spackle on to the silly inflection in your voice.  You've done the heavy lifting, now go away -- oh and take the gecko with you.

2. Wilford "DIABEETUS" Brimley.  The fact that most of us thought you were already dead only makes it creepier when we continue to see your face shilling for Liberty Medical.  Please go away.  Please note -- I didn't say die.  I said go away.  Come to think of it, I'll settle for dead inside.

Not anymore!

3.  The Alpine Stair Lift.  "I was living in half my house!"  This advertisement drives me crazy.  Am I saying that disabled people don't have a right to go upstairs?  No.  I just don't want to see your ads anymore.  I don't know how much these things cost, but the best testimonial you can come up with is a man that says, "The Alpine Stair Lift is definitely less expensive than moving."  Guess what?  A lot of things are less expensive than moving.  Sex change operations are less expensive than moving.  

4. 3D Movies.  Yes, I said it.  They've got to go.  The technology still sucks, the glasses are annoying and they're a distraction.   Stop making 3D movies, stop making old movies 3D and definitely stop selling 3D tvs.  I sat down in front of one and within five minutes I wanted to hurl.  I don't need that kind of 3D action from my television set.

The river is not rising.

5. Phone Books.  Please for the love of god -- stop making them.  No one uses them, they pile up outside of apartment buildings and houses.  Why has this been allowed to continue?  I can't remember the last time I used a phone book to look up a phone number.  I'm pretty sure I was using a payphone at the time and they've since become extinct except for prisons and crack alleys.

I will update this list from time to time.  I encourage others to share their ideas in the comments section. 


  1. Fact checking is an affront to faith.

  2. I think FLo deserves one more shoot. Circus maximus with her planted to neck levrl and thst caligula slicer thing tops her. Funny how many millenials got scammed into paying way too much for insurance from that it never, moistened recess